The anti-list

I don’t know whether it’s just the hormones or what but I can’t shake the blues today. I just feel really dejected and down, the kind of “lock myself away and not talk to anyone” kind of day. I’ve tried doing the gratitude list that Hannah started but with all the blessings I know I DO have, I just can’t find anything positive to think about today. I hate feeling like this. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. So here’s my antilist, I figure if I get it out maybe it’ll look like less of a list.

  1. The house is a bombsite of renovations and toys
  2. I didn’t get onto a DT I really wanted to be on (but then aren’t that surprised either as I think I’ve lost my mojo – hopefully temporarily)
  3. I’m hating my job right now
  4. I’m sick of being broke and want to trade in our lotto ticket for one that works
  5. I’m sick of feeling sick
  6. I still want to lose weight and get fit and am frustrated with injuries and exhaustion
  7. Joshie’s unhappy at his kindy and I don’t know how to fix it without moving him again, which I really don’t want to do

See? I’m just feeling in great need of a holiday we can neither afford timewise or moneywise. We haven’t had a real family holiday or even a weekend break away for so long. We managed a night away at New Years but that was it and at the moment we have too much on the house to do before the baby is born and too little money to spend on anything other then bills to contemplate it.

And I’m really wondering where my mojo has gone. I scrapped these recently for a DT entry but didn’t get anywhere.

laughoutloudpositivesomethingtosaysml

I think I’m just that I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything at the moment. I’m going to layoff DT’s for a while, other than the commitments I have at the moment I’m not going to bother trying for anything else as I just don’t need the rejections… I think part of my problem is I’ve been trying to take up parts of other peoples styles so much that I’ve lost my own. So I give up. I’m going to go back through my albums and rework some of the pages I’m not happy with and scrap for me again and hopefully rediscover my mojo along the way.

L x

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Mich on February 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Love the layouts – wouldn’t beat yourself up about them not getting selected.
    I would concentrate on making small short term goals for your self, that way things seem more achieveable.
    I have decided this year to concentrate on scrapping for me – nobody else, not trying to scrap the way others do or expect. And funnily enough it has worked, my mojo has returned and I have completed 12 layouts in the last 3 weeks and love them all! πŸ™‚

    Reply

  2. Aww, HUGS! I’m sorry if my gratitude list upset you. I’m sure you could think of things to be positive about, but I know that when you have other (negative) stuff going on, it can crowd out everything else. Nobody would blame you for feeling a bit low at the moment. I’m sorry to hear that Joshie is not happy at his daycare. I guess I feel like that’s close to home for me because of how unsettled Tyler has been. So I know it hurts and you just want him to be happy. Hopefully it’s something that can be fixed without having to move him, as you’ve already been through that once before.
    As for those layouts, I can’t understand why you wouldn’t have made it onto any DT with them! I think they are just gorgeous, and I particularly love the second one. But putting DT applications on hold for awhile may not be a bad thing. Just enjoy scrapping for you, and don’t worry that you are not good enough because I reckon everybody else who sees your work would disagree!
    Here’s to a better day tomorrow!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Alison on February 16, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Im sorry to hear your not feeling the best at the moment. As for the layout I think they are all stunning. Hope you feel better soon

    Reply

  4. Posted by mummymoo on February 17, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    Oh honey, email me if you feel like it okay.

    I love the layouts to and LMAO off about the driving one but I can see how you feel they arent you – but i still think they are awesome, oh that sucks about the DT but maybe it is a good thing cause man you already blow me away with all you do – maybe the universe/big guy thinks ya need to slow up a little – hey I really like your writing too, I dont think I have seen it before πŸ™‚

    Hugs to Joshie I am sorry I dont really know what to say…..it is so hard when our little ones are sad – ya just want to fix it, can you talk to the teachers or something? sorry I just dont know…..

    Honey you are a super talented, kind, generous, encouraging and treasure friend, know this as truth okay and tell those other voices to SHUT UP (I know i have them too LOL)you will get there and you are more than good enough OKAY!!!

    xoxox

    Reply

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